Monday, December 31, 2007

My Ass. And Cowbells

Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to new starts!

Well, ok, that's tomorrow, but ok... I wanted to reflect on 2007 a little anyway.

Reflection #1:
This year has been a year dealt primarily with my weight. I have been overweight or obese all my life. In grad school, I turned morbidly obese. I have been that way for 10 years.

I started loosing weight in April. I have lost 55 pounds, which I never thought I could do. It has been hard, but in many ways, I can say 2007 has been good to me. I lost some weight, but gained a lot of confidence in the process.

My Food Diary. I recommend it 110%. It changed my life.

Reflection #2:
Binghamton First Night sucks.

'Nuff said.

Reflection #3:
I perhaps have not been as driven as some people, about my work, about my diet and about my exercise. I guess that's ok. There are always challenges.

Reflection #4:
I find myself more and more in debt these days, mainly due to my shopping for new clothes. Certainly, going from a 22 to a 10 or 12 requires some new duds. I try to shop at Uncle Sal's boutique, or at the consignment shop as much as possible. But sometimes Eddie Bauer calls out to me.

Reflection #5:
I saw my sister over the Christmas holiday. We are not incredibly close, but we are not un-friendly. She was always the thinner one, and according to some, the better looking. It seems that fate has flipped our fortunes, as she has put on significant weight, while I am losing. A few times I think she was bitter about it, making a few nasty comments. It somehow became clear to me that in many ways part of my weight issue linked back to the older sister always putting me down to the point where I didn't think I could do anything - whether it was succeed at work or school, or lose weight. In that stupid pecking order of sisters, she was always top dog.

I may be learning to deal after 37 years.

If she reads this, there will be more tension than there is now. But, I think I have the confidence to face that, too.

Reflection #6:
I don't have the worst body in the world. Even when at my heaviest, I didn't have the worst. But then again, no one has the worst body in the world. There will always be someone worse off than me. There will always be someone better off than me. So I can sit and whittle away about a pound or two, or a wrinkle or two, or get on with it. I visit these diet forums and see other peope who maybe don't see life that way. And I see all those young college girls who cry and agonize over 2 pounds. Or 10 pounds. Or 20. Or whatever.

I understand them completely. I just want to give them a hug and say it's ok.

Then I want to slap them silly and hand them a copy of Susan Bordo.

In the long run, 10 pounds or 10 wrinkles don't really matter as much as 10 friends or 10 phone calls.

Reflection #7:
I finally should admit that ICP and I have been trying to breed, with no luck. Actually, we've been trying for 5 years...

When he was gainfully employed with insurance, we even started treatments. When he lost his insurance, it stopped. My clock did not.

Anyway, I might as well just admit that this has been weighing very heavy on my mind this past year. I don't like to talk about it, since it is really too painful.

But there you have it.

So, in many ways, that's where I stand today, at the end of 2007. I hope to reach some sort of goal in 2008. My goal varies all the time. Sometimes it's a weight. Sometimes it's something else in life.

But at least I have learned that change is good, and it's ok to move on.

All my best for a healthy and happy new year,


But wait! There's more!

Although it is good to move on, it's also good to remember years gone by. So, I leave you with a favorite family New Year memory.

My Uncle Vinnie, who has long since left us, was the best soul around. Every New Year's Eve, he would get out the cow bell and walk the streets in our Queens New York neighborhood. He'd ring that bell, and spread good cheer throughout the town.

Sometimes he even did it while dressed as Baby New Year.

So, get out your own diapers, everyone. It's time to ring your cowbells!



Then again, everyone needs more cowbell....


hakucho said...

Kudos to you for losing so much weight :) I can tell how much better you feel. Hopefully other things will fall into place for you too. I'm praying for you. Sometimes when you least expect it things just happen!
Growing up my mother would always bang her cast iron frying pan out the front door when the clock struck 12 midnight. Not quite the same effect as your uncle...but my mother felt if you brought in the new year with lots of joyful would be a very happy new year :) (not sure how much our neighbors liked it?)

Sure hope 2008 brings you LOTS of happiness :)

Alison said...

What a great post!! And what an accomplishment you have faced this year! It sounds like you are starting 2008 on the right foot. I found you through nablo ttc and said back then that I would support you in those efforts and I still do! Good for you for sharing. Happy New Year!

Alison said...


Claire said...

Change is good, and you've made such an incredible change, not just in your weight, but in your health this year. It's hard, there's always something huge to work on, but you've shown it's possible to really do something.
Christopher Walken is awesome, but I can't stand the other guy.

Susan said...

Okay, so I hope this doesn't come off sounding too sappy/strange/weird....but I wish I could give you a hug..a really big, bear hug...and then maybe we could do tequilla shooters and impersonate Elvis...badly.
I'm just saying, that I would like you to know that I feel very fortunate to have met you through this big ol'blogisphere and I wish you only the best in the New Year. Your honesty combined with your wonderful sense of humor makes you a truely special individual. Thank you for sharing your heart and for making me laugh. Now...I dunno...maybe....more cowbell!
Take care, Susan xxx

*** I'll admit...I'm kinda crush'in on your Uncle as Baby New Year. Not many men can pull off a diaper, if you know what I'm saying. ;)